Personal Nemesis

“I had just about given up hope. It seemed like all the good enemies were spoken for. Even trivial day-to-day rivalry over little things was just so hard to come by. I’d watch as my friends would succumb to acts of vengeance: unwanted pizza deliveries, discovering their car stereos turned at full volume to country-western stations, and even finding out (after baking their favorite puff pastries) that their salt and sugar containers had mysteriously been switched. Not only was there no one to sabotage my puff pastries, but I was really lacking that special someone in my life to be the focus of my own evil schemes. I decided to give it one final shot and try out personalnemesis.com. Just last week my office chair was mysteriously faulty, causing it to collapse under my weight. And only this morning, my cat was replaced with a ransom note. I suspect the same party might be responsible. Thanks personalnemesis.com!” -Lost in Detestation (Tacoma, WA)

“I’m not going to lie – I’m a sharp dresser. In fact, I’ve never met anyone as glamorous. Never, that is, until I logged on to personalnemesis.com and met Gloria. Her sense of fashion is passable. But she thinks she can show me up not only in basic ensemble, but in outerwear and accessories as well! You know what I have to say to that, Gloria? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Echem. I have to respect her efforts. They are impressive indeed. But watch out Gloria! You can never prepare for what I have in store for you! PS. The earrings you wore to last night’s gala were awful and gaudy and those shoes were so 1992.” -Better Dressed (Chicago, IL)